Below I present one of Seneca's letters to Lucilius, available at The Stoic, a wonderful site about stoicism and responsible for the translations of Seneca's letters. At the end I added several reflections to deepen the content of the letter.
Greetings from Seneca to Lucilius.
- You sent a letter to me through a “friend of ours,” as you call him. And in the next sentence you warn me not to discuss with him all the matters that concern him, saying that you yourself are not used to doing this; in other words, you, in the same letter, affirmed and denied that he is your friend.
- Now, if you used this word in the popular sense, and called him “friend” in the same way that we speak of all candidates in elections as “honorable gentlemen”, and as we greet all men we meet casually, if their names give us they are absent for a moment, with the greeting “my dear sir”, so be it. But If you consider any man a friend whom you do not trust as you trust yourself, you are greatly mistaken and you do not understand enough what true friendship means. In fact, I would like you to discuss everything with a friend; but first of all discuss the man himself. When friendship is established, you must trust; Before friendship is formed, you must judge. These people, in fact, put the last first and confuse their duties, which, violating the rules of Theophrastus[1], they judge a man after they have made him their friend, instead of making him their friend after they have judged him. Consider for a long time whether you should admit a person to your circle of friends; but when you decide to admit it, welcome it with all your heart and soul. Speak as openly to her as you do to yourself.
- As for yourself, although you should live in such a way that you trust yourself in all matters, since certain matters are conventionally kept secret, you should share with at least one friend all your worries and reflections. Consider him loyal, and you will make him loyal. Some, for example, fearing to be deceived, taught men to deceive; by their suspicions they gave their friend the right to suspect. Why do I need to hold back a word in my friend's presence? Why not consider me alone when in your company?
- There is a class of men who communicate, to whomever they meet, matters that should be revealed to friends only, and unload on the listener everything that bothers them. Others, once again, fear trusting their closest friends; And if it were possible, they wouldn't even trust themselves, burying their secrets deep in their hearts. But we shouldn't do one thing or the other. It is equally flawed to trust everyone and trust no one. However, the first flaw is, I would say, the most naive, the second the safest.
- In the same way, you should rebuke these two types of men, both those who always need rest and those who are always at rest. For the love of excitement is not diligence, – it is only the restlessness of a haunted mind. And true tranquility does not consist in condemning all movement as mere annoyance; this kind of comfort is laziness and inertia.
- Therefore, you should take note of the following saying, taken from my reading of Pomponius[2]: “Some men cower in dark corners, to such an extent that they see darkly during the day.” No, men must combine these tendencies, and he who rests must act and he who acts must rest. Discuss the problem with Nature; she will tell you that she created day and night.
Keep strong. Stay Well.
[1] Theophrase (372 BC — 287 BC) was an Ancient Greek philosopher, successor to Aristotle in the Peripatetic school. Aristotle, in his will, appointed him as his children's tutor, bequeathing him the library and the original works and designating him as successor at the Lyceum.
[2] Possibly Pomponius the Second, a Roman general and tragic poet who lived during the reigns of Tiberius, Caligula and Claudius.
Greetings from Seneca to Lucilius
In this third letter from Seneca to Lucilius, we are faced with a profound reflection on the theme of friendship. The philosopher begins by highlighting an interesting point, which serves as a starting point for our understanding of genuine friendship.
Seneca begins the letter by mentioning that Lucilius wrote to him through a “friend of ours”. However, the peculiarity arises when Lucilius, in the same letter, advises Seneca not to discuss with this individual all matters that concern him, insinuating that Lucilius himself does not do so. This leads Seneca to question the true nature of friendship.
The Duality of Friendship
Here, Seneca invites us to reflect on the duality of the relationships we label as “friendship”. He suggests that if we use the term “friend” superficially, in the same way that we call any candidate in elections “honorable sir” or casually greet people with “my dear sir,” we are missing the depth of the true meaning of friendship.
Here, Stoicism reminds us of the importance of using words precisely, as a lack of clarity in language can lead to misunderstandings and disillusionment. For the Stoics, clarity of thought and language is essential for a virtuous life.
True Friendship and Trust
Seneca deepens the discussion, emphasizing that, in true friendship, trust is fundamental. He argues that if we consider someone a friend but don't trust them in the same way we trust ourselves, we are mistaken.
Here, Seneca reminds us of the Stoic principle of controlling what is within our power. In friendship, we cannot completely control the behavior of others, but we can control the choice of our friends and the depth of our trust in them. True friendship, therefore, begins with careful judgment before granting trust.
Genuine Friendship: Judgment and Trust
Stoics value judgment before forming friendships. Seneca argues that before we trust, we must judge. This is a reminder that we shouldn't rush into close relationships.
This Stoic principle reminds us not to make hasty decisions and to carefully evaluate the people we associate with. In doing so, we are aligned with the pursuit of virtue, as true friendship helps us grow as human beings.
Sharing with a Friend
Seneca offers valuable advice: when friendship is established, we must trust and share everything with our friend. He encourages us to speak to a friend as openly as we speak to ourselves. This is a reminder that in genuine friendship we must not hide our thoughts, concerns, or reflections.
This Stoic principle emphasizes the importance of communication and empathy in interpersonal relationships. True friendship allows us to be authentic and transparent with others, promoting personal growth and mutual understanding.
Avoiding Extremes
Seneca also warns against two harmful extremes: those who share indiscriminately with anyone who will listen and those who are afraid to trust even their closest friends.
Stoicism teaches us to find a balance. Sharing everything indiscriminately can lead to unnecessary vulnerabilities, while constant distrust can harm relationships. Discernment and careful judgment are the keys to avoiding these extremes.
Activity and Rest in Life
Seneca concludes the letter with a reflection on the importance of balancing activity and rest in our lives. He warns against constant restlessness, which is not diligence but just an agitated mind. On the other hand, he also criticizes the idea that all movement is boredom.
Stoicism teaches that we must find a balance between action and tranquility. We must act when necessary, but also find moments of rest and reflection. Nature teaches us this duality, with the day and night cycle.
Conclusion
Seneca's third letter to Lucilius offers valuable lessons about true friendship, emphasizing the importance of careful judgment, mutual trust, and open communication. Furthermore, she reminds us of the need to balance activity and rest in our lives, following Stoic principles for a virtuous and meaningful life.
In the words of Seneca, “Stay Strong. Stay Well.” These words echo the Stoic ideal of maintaining serenity, authenticity and virtue, even in the face of life's complexities.
